...::Seasons..

This week is kinda rock , cos of a few stuff. First on mon, i have chinese singing compeition and i sang like a few songs especially the starting of the compeition i sang jiu shi ai ni by david tao and i love it . Although my voice isnt a guy's voice but like a saparno but i like that pitch. When i am singing that song i really put in a my feelings in i was imagining a girl in love with this guy and everything to them seems so fine and the couple is happy. The whole thing ended off smoothly.

Next me , grace and sharon and one girl baked cookies and muffins for the teachers and i found out they are very cute when they are doing the baking and suddenly i realise that i am not so sad and angry over A and wat he said anymore maybe cos i start to hate him for all the things he have done ? During this time i also found out some nasty things the girl he liked did and i start to question myself is it possible that that girl i know is doing such things ???? Source-based skills applied here. Back to the A issue , we didnt talked for quite sometime but i know in the staff Room lots of things is being said , but wat to do its A's business . I will never forget some1 telling me : I have lived through 16 years of my life ! How can i dont know ? Since he knows everything then wats the point of me letting him know extra stuff ?? The good impression i used to have for A is being demolished and so i am still looking out for the new impression . Really god you gave me tongues and gift of worship but can i be greedy to ask for the gift of wisdom so that i can understand others better? I really want it . Wat A and his girl is doing have no matter of mine but if a were to step on my tail i MARCUS TEO XIAN JUN WILL NOT HESISTATE to react back. I have enough of protecting A's reputation . So let it be on its own .

Seriously i dont hate him bcos if i hate him i will sin and i cant be a good counsellor . Being able to touch naughty kids lives in good enough I dont expect him to give me more respect cos there isnt at first is there??? Everyone in class can see i am hiding sumthing and unable to let go of things and to 4G this is the issue i have been clinging on to . I dont wanna say is not i want to portect A's honour but for my own seek . but all thanks to Grace and Sharon i have learnt to let go.

I find that grace can be quite pretty at times esp the baking time and i start to feel she is applicable for my list . I wont stead her cos we r very very good friends and i feel and she feels too that no matter wat our friendship cannot go to strain . My friendship with her will nto be as bad and as tiring as A . Maybe thats a gift from god.

And so we baked, spent about $ 200 on the teachers day present all from my wallet. All i desire is that smile from their faces.

I went back to rosyth to see ms jau and find that she is very hot and have became the Subject head of maths and is very diva like and so i am so happy for her. Cos she is leaving for Aust nextyear and so i will miss her .

But this whole week , i learnt a lot of stuff . One important is : As long we exposed our true hearts to others, we will see true relationship . However at times ppl meet but dojnt click so wat to do ?? Leave to god .

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 30.8.06

There has been so many different thoughts and advices that so many ppl gave. Regarding the course i will go for it ! Like what grace said : You go not bcos u want to improve on the course but you want to escape. Yes i just wanna escape bcos when i was having dengue for 5 days and fell veery ill and when i return to school, everything seems so wrong and every1 is so aloof and i have decided that 5 days can cause every1 to become aloof wat more 6 months ?

I wanna escape from the memoirs of A although not so many good memories but its very impacting. I have tried to avoid A when we fight but no i m really really tired of all these . Why am i always suppose to feel bad when i m always trying to help help is it too much ??? Aiya it dosent matter. I just wanna hold on to the good impression of A no matter how hurtful the things A said to me and all the bad impression others have about A . Thinking back , if i were to say all the thing A said to me to this girl will that girl feel hurt too ??? I think she will. I have too admit i m a women's man. If u understand wat it is but if u dont let me explain , its is describing a man who can be able to enter into a woman's life and have a place there forever. I have never but failed to enter any girls heart even for that girl . Am i really good or very scary many guys think i m a threat and they better be . But if u r good and true to a girl , the girl can feel it and accpet u unless there are others factors.

I dont know wat to say but i m still very normal in school , everything seems fine except the feelings beneath that smile is killing . I dont know how to let it out just my jogging and singing really helps .I am trying to let things go i just wanna let A is that : What is yours will always be yours, waiting is not a excuse cos by the time it comes u will let it go. When i heard others saying A is hypocrite , guess wat ? I didnt aruge back for A cos is A really showing his true self in front . Ppl never like hypocrites. I didnt want to comment it cos if not i will be exposed. If things start to fall , dont look me cos i didnt do anything . If u still believe in me .

Just by 3 dec when i am out of Spore then i will know wat are my true feelings about my friednship with A . But by then A will be in another mess. I knew it for sure .Just hope that A can be able to handle it . Since A wants the life to be this way then so be it .Once bitten twice shy. A : dosent derserve help thats why somethings A desire , A cant get

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 25.8.06

Wow ! now then i can imagine how a person really feel when his been hurt ?? Is A really reacting to let me know how it feels being in A's position or is it just that wat A is saying is the truth??? I know maybe i m not a good counsellor to be able to help and i may not be very understanding to A but i can answer to god that I have really tried to understand A not tryin too hard just trying , if A dosent want to open how can I know ?? Should i say A deserves wat A gets ? or should i just say its all thanks to stress and life problems? I dont think so ! A person will react properly if their mental eyes are clear but A's are blocked . And when i tried to help wat A said is :" Maybe thats from that book too , i wanna buy that book to con little kids". How can A say that of me When i have actually studied 3 years to be able to be qualified. Wat i said is coming from my heart and the book is not god it dosent answer all troubles and problems humans have . Why cant A understand wat i have now is all that i worked for . It really breaks my heart very very much that i cried for 1 hour. For heaven's sake its 1 hr.

I just wanted to ask A for views about completing my studies of that course but wat i get ? All the hurts and insults . "Just be normal man! Your presence makes me irky alright?" Wat do u mean ?? Am i suppose to leave your life and walk out and leave u in the abyss ?? I know u r 16 years old but please for heaven sake your 16 but u dont even know wats respect ? Do u think u r giving me and gving her respect by doing all those things and all the words, in front of a person one acts and in front of another a person acts the other way ? Is that wat are u doing ? I dont know anymore ??? Not only u r feeling stressed wat u r facing is just additonal stress. Records and memoirs dosent matter so much wat matters is the general masses.

I just wanna tell u : A I Marcus Teo cried for 1 hour not bcos i m angry but just disappointed and sad bcos the kind ,gentle,romantic ,considerate and respectful A is no longer around is it bcos the enviornment that mould u like that ??? U know yourself. You already condemn me in a way that I have no position to talk but its ok . Anway by 6 Dec i will be gone and u can just be on your way to see wats the main problem in your life ?>?? I have said once some things is said it changes the relationship forever ?? I m capable of making your life turn but should i ? I wont thats a promise i Give to you and god . A person hurts me , i cry and sad about it and starts to drift away i wont do extreme measures esp to my ONCE close friend. A you r own your own . I m hurt and this wound needs a long time to heal and once it heals a scar is there forever ??
Will we go back to the past ?? Impossible ! But wat the future holds i dont know but wat u and i hold now means nothing already until a NEW Salvation comes

Trying to forgive u and forget

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 22.8.06

Wats wrong with A being so not receptive about the stuff i say ?? Everyone on this earth has a emotional problem whether is it mild or serious matters normally pp are @ the normal or mild stage but sometimes there are cases where ppl are serious cases. I m not saying A needs counselling but i just wanna say that wat A is feeling and the stiuation A is going through is normal to a certain extent but if the matter continues to worsen u are gonna suffer. I already said : Patience goes hand in hand with isolation and isolation leads to aloofness. Do A really understand it ??? As a counsellor i cant just let this go so easily when i know this issue will lead A to fall. As a friend i wanna care and as a counsellor i have to advise. If u really think you dont have a problem ,then start to close your eyes and open your heart to feel ,the sense of insecurity ,sense of resentment to others easily and loss of interest in other things shows you need a helping hand . Just bcos of your character it dosent mean that we have to tolerate . *I wont i have been your mate for 4 years and changes that took place ? i dont even wanna talk about it but just to let you know i just want you to feel the sense of joy again.

To be crude A even if you have obtained her but with this mood of yours things will go wrong very soon .Have you ever asked yourself that period of time is it caused by your mood ??? I rather be the one telling u than rather u get rejected by others. So wats your freaking problem ??? I am not angry just sad and diappointed that even my help u r not willing to accept.

A please go think about it , The msg i sent to about true friends , i really mean it .So if u wanna get angry abt this i have got nothing to say but just to add : You have a mood prob.

For others info : A is not you but the one who is suffering form this prob will know

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 21.8.06

I just went for a study time with a friend of mine. What i can only say is that things is not the same anymore. I was actually quite happy that we are getting together and can share our stuff together but in fact it didnt . The whole time was all about insults and life pleasure topics. What i hope didnt come true. But what i didnt hope came true. Only today i realise and confirm that me and him have drifted real real far. In the past ,we still chat ,get togethers and i dont need to catch up so much . But now , today , I have to but i didnt bcos things aint the same anymore. He was up front and i am there far behind. If a friend understands u, u will not need to say the issue out ,that friend will still understand you . Thats what i hope but its not happening. I thought he might but after so long about 4 hours nothing came but the whole impression of him changed he said : What's your impression o0f me dosent bother me . It could be this way if i dont know him at all or i dont get to see him everyday . In Fact , every1's impression is very important to me especially guys. I can change the whole school's relationship with him if i want to . But till now i didnt do to any1 , can we really chat about everything and know about each others feelings? No ,not anymore ??? I have said , he moved on but i stay put just hoping and hoping . I just wanna tell him ,you made me very lonely and i hate it .

If you dont give love to others , you will never receive love and it all starts with friends male and female. There;s one time where the both of us walked together and met a few schoolmates, and they were asking them : You and him together ar ? Dating ar ? From that time i really mind bcos it kind of affect my friendship with him . Its always bcos of my status thats why ppl start chatting and rumouring . However , if he is my true friend, he shouldnt mind at all . But he did. thats what i think . But wat the hell , why is thing so complicated. When he said : i hate your class ,he meant he hate me and he hate his ex,ex,ex girlfriend . That really hurt . i know ppl change but he changed for the worst not for the better and so wat can i say. All bcos he choose peach but if u are reading this blog, you are not peach but u should be orange, it is sweet at times but most of the time you are sour and insultive. Wat can i say man u never change for wat your friends tell you esp me .

We are really drifted real far , i just want that you dont be so :

protective of yr ex
insultive
self-centrened
unkown mistake that u'll understand

Just pls , or maybe i am not even the one friend who should care and concern for you . Maybe i am not as good as them who can always give u smiles and jokes . But in human psychology : Any human can make another person feel happy or express actions of joy however not everyone can penetrate into another person's mind, soul . I hope to be the one but wat matters is you

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 19.8.06

There is so much more to say
There is so little time
Are the things getting better???
Its been long since we've talked
Its all misunderstanding and miscomunnication
isnt it ????
But why must it be this way ???
Am i hurt ?
No ,but disappointed
the friendship turned sour and ugly
Bitch ? Is it ? No !!! For sure
Angry me ?? Never
But time and time i
gave up the thoughts of confronting and screaming
but choose to let go and be
forgetful
Am i wrong ? If yes tell me
Are u wrong ? No but just not sure of your thoughts
Trying to forgive u ??
No need to bcos i am not angry
I never doubted you at all
The stars will collide,
will you stand by and watch them fall?
Can we be turn back the time and remain the same???
No but we could be better
Just realise that humans must learn to be
lonely
Travelling,sleeping,bathing,surfing
all this is lonely acts isnt it ???
What have i decided???
Avoid???
Maybe
Angry???
No
Confrontation???
Last resort
Tolerate???
Surely
Drifting away ???
Not to the one i am having issues with
Wat i hold for the future???
Nothing !!!!

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 13.8.06

I feel so tired of many people and i have let down many of my friendships with many guys because some of them really make me very angry ,lonely and empty. Do u know how tough is it to deciphere their messages and conversations ??? Its very very tiring especially when u want to say something important but they dont listen ??? Not only that so many things is happening to my relationship with ppl esp 1 or 2 girls . Maybe i have done wrong but if u dont say i will never know and will never be able to change . Time after time i gave chances to let u speak but u didnt so ? must u rack up old stuff ??? Misunderstanding is the word , every issue is all starts from misunderstanding and its this that will cause 4 ppls relationship to change forever. Is it wat u want if that is wat u want i have nothing to say but i dont want it ,its sad to see that to hapen but who will actually know my true feelings inside except him and her ?

Close friends who i regard might not seem as close but friends that drift or friends that holds a lot of place in my heart really touched and moved me . Just one long chat is enough but ask yourself have u done it ??? Am i expecting too much or its just that ppl expect even more from em? didnt i shower care and concern to every single girl ??? I swear to god i did !!!! I have given more to them than the guys but wat did i get in return? Rejection ,comments. Its sad to see the few who used to be laughing and joking and talking stuff with is now like moving away . I tink its not only me who feel this way every one should feel it too . Maybe like wat she said we must start to learn how to cope with loneliness.

So i want to thank : cassanova and her for always being there for me . I marcus teo really love it .Thanks

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 12.8.06

Feeling down suddenly . Why ??? because i start to feel that i am like a modern prince living in that big big house but binded with so many rules and stuff. And its true being a bit wealthy brings a lot of pressure. Since young i have been trained to be of the best that i can such as Good behaviour , Good manners , strong mindset . But sometimes i feel like wat am i like if i am not trained like that will i be a rude rebellious kid ???

for my character now , i will not and wont allow myself to . I want to be successful and i want to own many things material and inmaterial . have everything i wanted $ , parental love , god and all the material stuff i wanted but when it comes to human relationship i am not so gd in it i am popular acciendently but this made me lonely bcos when i m close to a person esp a guy the sch will start to say many stuff and i dont like it bcos it cause me and that person to split

So i have the things i wanted but i dont have the true friendship i want how sad can it get ???
Being popular makes me tired already and i dont want to be binded with all the family rules and sch rumours i want to be the prince without a lot of probs can it really happen ??

Marcusjun walked through the seasons at 6.8.06